Domnall Óg's Blog
I walked back from having dinner and passed through one of the arched exits from Avila. The sun was setting and the sky was giddy with swallows (golondrinas in Spanish. Just say the word to feel better!).
It was moving.
Deeply.
The raw thrashed chords at the start of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart‘ by the great Joy Division convey something of the brutality of love. In the foothills of love there are flowers and heart-shaped boxes but at the summit the air is too thin and pure. Only eagles and white light of a perfect sun belong there. And some very special humans. Few. Very few.
What happens is this. You believe at 17 that amor vincit omnia. Love is constantly reinvented on the fumes of cheap perfume and serious dancing. Oh, what it is to be young! But then, first loves fail and you never quite regain the high ground you were walking on. Some people do. Very few.
You compromise. You accept something that is quite good instead of something that is the best. You know the summit exists. You just don’t see the point of climbing back up there. Most people think that ‘settling down’ like an undisturbed packet of cycanide dust is a sign of maturity. Some people think this pusillanimous. Very few.
Good old Corinthians 1:13 says “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ”
The even better Beatles aver that “There’s nowhere you can be which isn’t where you meant to be. It’s easy. All you need is love”
All you need is love. Love and a heroic don’t-care-if-I-die attitude to the quest for true, perfect, mountain top love.
“Where will I wander, I wonder.
Nobody knows.
but wherever I’m going, I’ll go in search of the Rose”
Some people keep the faith. Some people hold on to a resolve that makes nonsense of the crashing pillars and delapidated buildings of unsafe constructions. It’s a massive Credo. I believe. And while life may be more comfortable compromising and being what you are not I can think of few reasons not to live life as though perfect love exists. Very few.
We have had some summer storms where the rain punches the streets and the clouds growl like tigers. I like the feeling of siege that a summer thunderstorm provokes. There is something elemental and primitive in it. We need the storms in Madrid because from now until October we are more or less permanently beneath blue skies and a Dalek sun that grates ‘Exterminate!‘ every time you step out of the door.
Being slap bang in the middle of the peninsula means we do not enjoy the moderating effects of a large body of water. When I lived in Donostia the summers were cooler and the winters were milder. The idea of a summer residence makes sense.
I am working a lot in July and so I will be too busy to notice. But come August and a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of ice. It is unbearable. When you get a 38 celcius you can’t sleep. So you wake up tired. And hot. I try to emulate Lawrence of Arabia who, when asked what the trick to tolerating high temperatures was, replied ‘The trick is not to mind’.
That fits in with my general position that it is not what happenes that makes us unhappy but rather our opinions about what happens. Change your mind, change the unhappiness. Summer in Madrid, however, really separates the Masters from the disciples.
Mementos Mori abound. I came across a piece by Tennyson the other day.
Come, my friends,
‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
Isn’t it easy to lose sight of what excited you and moved you when you were young? We become cynical and dull and think in monthly cycles not of the Moon but of the utility bills. We should make an effort not to be swayed by the vagaries of time as it marches by disguised as money. When I was young I wanted to be always to be able to be touched by art – music, theatre and poetry. I don’t mean touched in a ‘that was nice now put away your bits and pieces’ way but in a ‘two week catatonic deeply disturbed at the roots of being’ way.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew
Up to now I still navigate the waters around the Happy Isles.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
The whole system is designed to punish you if you are different. Everyone is required to wear similar clothes, wear similar ideas and make the same emetically dull observations on a woefully predictable existence. Is that what you want? Really?
Come, my friends,
‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
So much has happened since I last wrote that I don’t know where to begin. Whether you are reading this in some academic outpost on the Iberian pensinsula, some military installation in Cyprus or during the night at a hospital in Leeds, bear with me, I pray.
I went to England to celebrate my mother’s 90th birthday. It was the first time the family has been together since my father’s funeral 15 years ago and so that, in itself, was an achievement. As a family we finally put the fun into ‘dysfunctional’ and made sure that the old girl had a day to remember. Two days actually. We had a bash in the family homestead with balloons, candles and some catering. It must have been a posh caterer because the Swiss Roll had a French name. By ‘eck we’ve come a long way from lard and Stork margarine, we ‘ave. We also had an Emmerdale moment and went to the Roaches Tearooms in the middle of the beautiful English countryside. Spring was springing all around and the glass conservatory that we had reserved became a display case of happy campers. She was delighted to be with her friends.
We repaired back to homestead and, after some whiskies and Guinness, we found ourselves in a true Irish session and songs from the political to the emetically maudling were the order of the day. Tom O’Riley and myself gave a rendition of ‘Danny Boy’ that will sure live on in the seared memories of those present.
Al in all – mission accomplished. One happy mother.
Then all we had to do was head down to Luton Airport and fly back to the Spain. I woke up on Thursday morning bag packed, passport checked upmteen times and that nervous stomach thing that goes with travel. The BBC informed me that a volcano had erupted in Iceland and all flights were cancelled. It was all a bit Lord of the Rings.
We went to Luton anyway – hope springs eternal – and found that the flight was indeed cancelled. Oh well! Booked into an extortionate hotel that was horrid and waited till the next day. To cut a long short we went to London for the day, tried the airport again, returned to Choke-on-Stench (scene of aforementioned birthday), booked a boat, train to Portsmouth, booked into very nice hotel and sailed to Bilbao. By this point, of course, Britain was flying again but any port in an ash cloud. Hired a car in the Basque Country and so to Spain to unpack and pack again for a next day residential course.
But, here I am. Back in the saddle and hoping to work a lot and recuperate the shedload of money I spent in the UK. I have to say, the authorities and the travel companies were pathetic during the crisis. The England that won WWII has gone to hell in a handcart. No election will change that, I fear
It’s been ages since I made a blog entry. Is that due to some creeping muscle disease that paralyses the two typing fingers? Of course not. Is it a reluctance to engage again with you, Dear Reader? Come, come. Perhaps an irresistible ennui born of routine and low achievment? Ach no! We shall have none of that. No. I have been what all self-employed people, be they chefs or charlatans, plumbers or ploughmen, seek to be. Busy. I have been running around like a flying insect of azure posterior giving residential classes to the high and,more often than not, mighty.
I can not, for reasons of the utmost discretion, reveal who my clients are but I can let slip that we have studied the English for the successful exceution of negotiations, meetings, conference calls, presentations, public speaking, social English, economics and some other stuff that is TOP SECRET. So TOP SECRET we had to forget about it after we’d studied it.
I have made and mislaid friends since last we met here, Dear Reader, and I have had confirmed my agreement with Socrates’ position that ‘the unexamined life is not worth living‘. And so I have examined my life and, do you know, on the whole it has a high degree of sunsets and banana sandwiches. That is reassuring.
Next month…in two weeks actually..I go to visit that lovely old relic, England to celebrate my mother’s 90th birthday. Rejoicing shall be unbounded and so may a few things more. Watch this space.
Chary is the reason behind this series of interviews. She interviewed me for European Irish, the website for all the Irish expats and Hibernophiles living in on the Continent. So I thought I would turn tables and get to know her. She lives in Chiclana, Cádiz, a very special paradise with its own guardian, the Wind from the East (like the witch in the Wizard of Oz) that protects the area from overcrowding.
She studied Philosophy in Salamanca because she wanted to know EVERYTHING about this world, she really wanted to fully understand it, and she thought Philosophers would give her the answers she needed. Funny enough, they just had more and more questions. As one friend of hers says: we’re still at the beginning, but not as we were at the start. And I suppose that’s the important thing.
She got an Erasmus grant, and headed to Galway for a year. Not being able to stand the crazy climate in that country, she decided to come back to Spain, where the light of the sun makes life so much easier. But she brought a nice Irish fellow from Sligo who was delighted to get out of the rain. And since then, they’ve been living in Chiclana. they have two lovely children (one of them says about himself that he’s a miracle! And that he wants to be like the guys in The Beatles, have a band, become famous, but the most important thing, have long hair; and the other one says she’ll dance for her brother’s band, she just loves performing).
What is love for you?
Often answers depend on who is asking… I suppose love is what makes us BE. This is just a guess. So much has been said about this topic! I don’t exactly know what love is, but I’m aware of its effects. Love must be shown, or it is not love. Love is also irrational. And so are humans, even though it has been said they are rational animals… Nonsense. Computers experts try hard to make computers think like humans by getting them to be logical. The truth is that a computer will never be like a human being… because the essential part of humans is irrationality.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Coincidence. This might be difficult to accept, but I don’t think there’s a reason beyond this.
What is the biggest problem facing the human race at the moment?
How to cope with intolerance, how to accept that difference is part of our lives. Multiculturalism is a challenge for us.
If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?
I wouldn’t change a single thing. Not at all. Everything in life is so weaved that it is very difficult to change one thing without changing the others.
Do you read poetry? Why? Why not?
I think there might be a difference between poetry and poems. While poetry is felt, poems are written down. How many poems do you know that have a lack of poetry? And yet, sometimes, one single word could be full of poetry… Anyway, I used to read poems, yes… There was a time when I could read in loud voice. Poetry has to be read in loud voice; otherwise we just have loose words on a piece of paper. Life is made of different stages: you do exercise for a while, and then you suddenly stop. The same thing happened to me with poetry. Sometimes you have to leave the land fallow, and give time a chance. From time to time, someone delivers a poem for me on a tray –in the inbox of Outlook . And I’m starting to recite them… again.
What is your mission in life?
Mission? Missions have to do with heroes. And I don’t like heroes. Jesus was one of them. They all have a tendency to die because of a real necessity of stating that his ideas are worth a life, their own life, and sometimes their follower’s life. Therefore, I do not have a mission. I might have little goals…
Have you ever felt hate? If so, tell me about it.
No.
Is optimism a strength or a weakness? Explain your answer
Optimism is, without any doubts, strength. I’m not talking about some sort of naïve optimism for which everything is fine. As I understand it, optimism means being aware of reality and its faults and it entails a great effort in order to make it better.
What is your favourite recipe?
Shepperd’s Pie… but the way we’d cook it in Andalucía: white wine, onions, garlic…
If you had a motto, what would it be?
I wouldn’t have a motto. Humans are too changeable to have just one single motto in life. But“Nosce te ipsum”could be a good motto. However, Simone de Beauvoir said that “you cannot get to know yourself, all you can do is narrate yourself”. Isn’t it what I’m doing know? J
Add and answer two more questions that you would like to be asked!!!!
Ok. Why am I answering this questionnaire?
Because it seems to be a challenge.
(I would not add a number 13th question, sorry)
I had arranged to make a Skype video call to conduct this interview and what came alive on the screen was a white well-lit room. On the wall hung a cheerful painting – ‘Children of the World’- and sitting in front of it was Simone, dressed in white and smiling angelically. It was like phoning Heaven. She has a smile like spring water.
What is love for you?
Love is everything for me. Love is what I need to live. Love is what I want to give to my nearest and favourite people. And for me love is God. I’m a very religious person and I know what love is in a spiritual way and of course in a human way.
If love comes from God, why do we suffer from love?
Because we are just human beings. I studied theology in Germany and I know that we’re so little that we’re just thinking and feeling like human beings. Love can not mean for us what it means for God. So we’re suffering from a love that is not the real love that I know is the love of God. I loved my ex-husband but I loved him in a very small way compared to my love of God. I’m still on way to understanding my love for human beings and transcendental love.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
I’ll speak personally now. That’s my talent…to be personal. I am a good person and bad things have happened to me like my car accident in Preston, England on 1995 when I was almost dead. This was my essential experience. This influences me every day. I broke my pelvis in ten places and the pain was terrible. I asked myself a lot of times ‘why did this happen to me?’ I had to fight a lot and I’m still fighting against my pain but I have good faith although I have chronic pain. I hate having pain. You can’t imagine what it is. It’s like I am a bull in a bullfight and the matador is killing me. But I am still fighting and l am still living. This is my destiny. This is my drama.
What is the biggest problem facing the human race at the moment?
I have a great fear of terrorism. And I want to maintain nature. People are destroying themselves and that’s a fact and so we are destroying in our little relationships and in general. When I watch the German news I am very worried about what’s happening in the small things and the big. We need the economic crisis, I think, to be more responsible and show more solidarity. But terrorism and stupid religious mess this is what I worry about.
If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?
I’ve been thinking about it but I wouldn’t change anything in my little life. But I would go with my daughter to a poor country to help and I would change my little emotions against my ex-husband and seek mediation with him. This a complex question. I can’t answer it in two sentences.
Do you read poetry?
Sometimes. It depends on my mood. I have a lot of poetry in my room. And yesterday I read a little bit of poetry – ‘Pasión’! Love poems. We have a lot of great German poetry – not Shakespeare we have Goethe and Schiller, and I like it and I have in the other room more poetry. Ask me which poetry is my favourite.
I don’t have any favourite poems but I have one motto. In Latin it’s ‘carpe diem’. That my favourite poetry for my life. I saw it in ‘Dead Poets society’. This is pure poetry. I saw that film when I was a student nurse in Germany in 1991 I think. I and I have it in my DVD library. I love it. I am a teacher and I wanted to be a teacher when I was 6 years old. This is my passion.
What’s your mission in life?
My mission in life is to be still alive and to make this life full of life and full of love. I need people to love and be loved by. This is quite religious but it is what I am for. And also to be a good mother. My daughter is the best thing I ever did. I hope I can love to be a hundred. My new decade – I am now 40 – and I think every decade has its own energy and in 2010 I am 40 and very happy to be!
Is optimism a strength or a weakness? Explain your answer
Both. I think I’m optimistic but I know how hard it is to be optimistic if you’ve got in your surroundings pessimists and people who cannot use their intelligence because they are jealous and selfish. When you are optimistic and in a very good mood and you have success, and then because…oh, how to explain it in English?! I’m optimistic but sometimes I feel quite weak. Or it could be because…no I’m not pessimistic..but I am sometimes weak because I have all the constructs in my head that I am not good enough and I don’t do what society expects me to do.
What’s your favourite recipe?
I don’t have any favourite food like children but my Mum is a good cook and so when you ask me this I am thinking of her to ask her for a good recipe. Yesterday I cooked something with potatoes and mushrooms and it was good. And I like pasta and Italian food bit this is not my favourite recipe.
You have already told us that your favourite motto is ‘carpe diem’…
My motto is ‘carpe diem’ and in Facebook I put a motto one and half years ago – ‘I love to live and I love to love’ . I put it in German and it’s a nice wordplay.” Ich liebe mein Leben und lebe, um zu lieben…!”
What does the future hold?
Well, I will have a man in my life but I don’t know if he will be German, Basque or Spanish. My mission is to help people, this is my energy. I have some photos of over sixty people who have stayed here in my place and I am saving up to buy a hostel. I have about 8 years to go. Everything I try, I do! I am Capricorn. I will call the hostel Besarkada , a Basque word, which means something like ‘hugs’ or ‘meetings’. So that will be the future; hugs and meetings in my house!
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